use your feelings as a guide

279. in this episode, i share a BIG personal announcement. 🏡

then i talk about how paying attention to how things feel in your body and soul can help guide you. (hint: you can accomplish goals without feeling terrible and icky)

i talk about the conversations i've had lately with people who are intent on tearing other women down, and how i'm actively NOT participating in that. 

and on the flip side, how good it feels to say nice things about others. 

i also invite you to join the accountability club if you want more eyes on your work or want to make more money.

if you loved what i talked about in this episode, you're going to love working with me.

i can help you feel better and get more done when you work with me 1:1. i'll help you figure out a meaningful goal, we'll create an action plan and i'll help you get unstuck all along the way. you don't have to go it alone, and you don't have to burn yourself out!

 
want to see if we are a good fit for 1:1 coaching? go to https://itstammiebennett.com/coaching and schedule a free discovery call to see if we are a good fit and find out what it looks like to work together.

 
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Transcript

Welcome And What We Do Here

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey, welcome to the Tammy Bennett Show, the podcast for people who want to feel better and get shit done. It's me, Tammy Bennett, Life and Business Coach, and I'm here to share bite-sized episodes full of mindset tips and practical strategies for setting goals and overcoming goblins like procrastination, perfectionism, and overthinking so you can get more done without all that nasty self-talk. And sometimes I just share personal stories about my experience that won't be chalk full of tips, but they will help you feel less alone and probably a lot more normal. This is gonna be fun.

Big Life Update Across-Country Move

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Hey friend, welcome to episode 279 of the Tammy Bennett Show. Today I'm just gonna give you a little behind the scenes life update, and I'm also going to encourage you to pay attention to how things feel in determining what you want to do more of and what you want to do less of. So I think I'll cut to the chase and give you some big news going on in the Bennett household. We are moving across the country. We are moving from Portland, Oregon to the Jersey shore, and it's all the things. It's exciting and happy and sad and scary. And you know, it's gonna take a lot of energy. It's gonna be a lot, um, a lot of adjustments. We're gonna be a lot closer to our three kids who live on the East Coast. So it's all good. Um, well, it's not all good, it's also scary and you know, a lot. But no, it's it's gonna be a really good thing for our family, and it's gonna be a lot going on here, uh, which is funny because I am also have opened the doors to my accountability club marketing edition, which is gonna start in June, right when we are closing on our new house and moving in. So it's gonna be chaos. Um, but sometimes I actually thrive in short periods of chaos where I have a lot on my plate and I just kind of get it all done. Um, I don't last like that forever, but in short bursts, I'm kind of okay

Accountability Club For Marketing Courage

SPEAKER_00 1:55

with that. So since I brought up my accountability club, I just wanted to talk about it for a quick second. Uh, this is uh it's a group coaching program, it's six weeks long, and it is for anyone who wants more eyes on their work. So maybe they want more sales of their products, or maybe they want more customers or clients, maybe they want more speaking or teaching gigs, maybe they want to submit their work into contests. And so, anyway, if you are a person who wants more eyes on your work or you want to make more money and you want to get out of your own way so that you can pitch and promote and market your yourself or your work or your services, this is the group for you. We are going to have so much fun learning how to make it more fun to show up and to sell and pitch our stuff. We're gonna have co-working calls where we get together on Zoom and we work on our pitches or our offers, and then we actually send them together. So you, if you join this group, you're going to be sending your stuff out into the world multiple, multiple times, and it's gonna be really fun and not too scary, and you're gonna have a really supportive community and network, and you're gonna have me in there coaching you if you get stuck. So if that feels like it's something for you, go to my website, it's tammybennett.com and look for accountability club at the top, and you can find out all the information about signing up.

Quick Challenge Send A Kind Message

SPEAKER_00 3:15

Do do do do do do do do do it's challenge time. Okay, so I'm challenging you to right after you listen to this podcast, or you can pause it and go do it real quick right now and then come back. I want you to send someone a little text or a little message, maybe a comment on social media. I want you to just send a positive, uplifting comment to somebody that you know or that you follow. You'll figure out why I'm issuing this challenge as you listen to the rest of this podcast episode, but I'm gonna check in with you at the end of this episode to see if you took me up on this challenge. Okay, go do it, friend.

Using Feelings To Guide Choices

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Okay, so I wanted to talk a little bit today about paying attention to how you feel, um, and that will help you determine what you want to continue to do or do more of and what you will want to do less of. I've been traveling a lot quite a bit recently. Uh, we went to New Jersey to see our new house. We also went to the Big East Championships to watch one of our daughters run. We also moved both of our girls out of the dorms. We met with other parents and just people on, you know, subways and planes and public transportation and families. And I've talked a lot to a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of different people in the last week or two. And I really started to notice something. Uh,

When Conversations Turn Mean And Why

SPEAKER_00 4:34

there were some people who I would talk to that spent a lot of time and energy tearing down other people, especially women. So saying that that woman didn't uh they didn't like their clothes, or that woman that was going all gray should really dye her hair, or that woman was wearing something too revealing, or that woman was speaking too loudly and she shouldn't say that things like just a lot of comments tearing down women, especially for their looks. And it was really gross. Like I did not enjoy those conversations, and I kind of put quick stops to them frequently where I was like, Oh, I love her hair. Oh, I think she's beautiful, oh, I love that dress, and just kind of, you know, it's not fun for the person trying to trash somebody. It's not as much fun for them to do it when they're not getting the response, when they're getting actually the opposite response and they're realizing like this conversation isn't going anywhere. And so it um paying attention to how gross it made me feel was really important, and also paying attention to how good it felt to stick up for women and to kind of um compliment them, even if they never heard it themselves, because we are, you know, talking about them, but how good it felt to kind of be uplifting and positive and refusing to get into that whole thing where we tear each other down. I think that's really happening a lot um in our government and in people that follow and support our current government uh administration. And I think it's giving a lot of people permission to get nastier and nastier, and I'm just not going to partake in it. I just absolutely am going to refuse to be a part of those conversations or to contribute more um evil teardownness into conversations, right? So I'm just I'm choosing not to be a part of those because they really don't feel good to me and I don't like how what it puts out into the world.

A Better Model Praising Women Out Loud

SPEAKER_00 6:27

On the other hand, uh I was sitting with my daughter and she, we were just chatting, and she was bringing out her phone and showing me different women uh friends that she has on Instagram. And as she was flipping through, she was like, Oh, and look at her. She is so gorgeous and she is so athletic and she's always doing things outdoors. And and look at her. Oh my gosh, I love how she goes camping and um, look how strong she is. Like it was just one after the other. It was probably like 20 full-on minutes of her scrolling through her friend list and her Instagram and showing me all of these different young women who are just gorgeous inside and out. And she was showing me some of their posts about how they want to be immigration attorneys and how they want to contribute to society. And she was like, Isn't she just the smartest person you've ever seen? I mean, my daughter was just going on and on about how um just really uplifting, praising comments to other people in the world. And I was like, man, this is such a stark difference in how I feel. Like I felt so much joy and aliveness and community and uh kind of pride um in this conversation and just felt so warm and loving. And I felt like we were exuding good out into the world. It was such a different feeling from the conversations where people are just trashing each other. I think all of this sounds really obvious to people that are listening to my podcast because I attract really good people. Um, you know, it seems really obvious that, like, yeah, talking about people doesn't feel good and isn't maybe the best thing to do while praising and complimenting people does feel good. So, I mean, yes, it feels obvious, but I think sometimes it's just so pervasive where people just tear each other down that sometimes I think we don't even realize like the effect or the toll that it has on us to be a part of those conversations or around those conversations.

Making Goals More Sustainable With Clients

SPEAKER_00 8:19

So it also, you know, I I see this kind of paying attention to how you feel and letting it determine what you want more of or less of. I see this a lot when when I'm working with clients. So, you know, I will have clients that come to me and they're just really having a hard time or really not enjoying things, and we work on them giving themselves permission to do things that they enjoy. And I'm not saying that like we can't ever work hard or struggle, but I'm just saying the if the overall trend of doing something really feels icky to you, then can we give yourself permission to not do that anymore and to go do something that feels good instead, that feels uplifting and gives you energy? I think that we should all do that for ourselves. I think that we should give ourselves permission that if something feels icky or if something feels like we're not putting good into the world or not putting good into our own lives, then we should maybe do less of that or figure out how to make it more enjoyable, more beneficial to ourselves and to society. So um with my clients, a lot of times they still do, they still kind of get these same results, but they're doing it in ways that are much more sustainable for them. They're doing it in ways that don't tear apart their souls, they're doing it in ways that feed their souls and that that contribute to their communities and to society. So um it's just my little memo today to just kind of pay attention to how your body's feeling when you're doing things and and and how your soul feels. And if it feels icky and if you don't really enjoy it, then is there something that you could do instead that's still gonna get you to your results and to do to create and to creating the things that you want in your life, but that feel a lot better in your body and in your heart and your soul and your mind? Okay. So I think sometimes we just forget to check in and say, like, hey self, how you doing in there? How are we feeling? Or are we wanting more of this or are we wanting less of this? So I just encourage you to check in. How is it feeling? If it doesn't feel good, can you do something different? Okay, that's all I have for you today.

Check-In Coaching Invite Secret Mission

SPEAKER_00 10:19

But before I go, I'm gonna check in. Did you send out a little positive message to somebody in the world, either in person or text or social media somewhere? Did you send a little uplifting, positive, complimenty kind of message to someone in the world? I hope you did. And if you didn't, go do it right now. Like right now. Push pause, go do it right now. Thank you so much for being here for this episode of the Tammy Bennett Show. And now go out there and show up for yourself. Friend, if you liked what I talked about in this podcast and you want a little help applying it to your life so you can feel better and do more of what you want, you're gonna love working with me one-on-one as your coach. I will help you with strategy and mindset so you can figure out what you want, make an action plan, and I'll help you get unstuck all along the way. Go to it's tammybennett.com forward slash coaching and schedule a discovery call with me to see if we are a good fit to work together. Hey, loyal podcast listener. Thank you so much for listening to this episode all the way through to the end. Okay, today's secret mission has two different tiers. You get to choose which tier you do. I want you to find my account on Instagram. It's Tammy Bennett, is my account. And I want you to find the post that corresponds to this podcast episode. And tier one is in the comments, leave me a heart emoji that that shows me that you listened to this episode and that you're gonna pay attention to how things feel for you. And then tier two is a little bit more detailed, but I want you to leave me a comment and I want you to tag somebody, and I want you to tell me something great about how they make you feel. So it might look something like so and so always makes me feel happy, or so and so always inspires me. So we're just gonna give someone else on the internet a little piece of love, okay? Thanks for being here, friend.